a plane humor break


Richard Moore

From: •••@••.•••
Date: Wed, 13 Sep 2006 20:36:10 EDT
Subject: Fwd: plane humor

This is absolutely hilarious!  You've got to read it!

---<forwarded message>---

Remember it takes  a college degree to fly a  plane but  only a high school
diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly  routinely in our

After every  flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"
which tells  mechanics about  problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems,  document their repairs on the form, and then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the  next  flight.

Never let it be  said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some
actual  maintenance  complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a
P) and the  solutions  recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance
engineers. By the way, Qantas  is  the only major airline that has never,
ever, had an  accident.

P: Left  inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main  tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this  aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on  back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200  feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on  ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable  level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are  for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're  right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief  search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,  and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with  lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat  installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds  like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from  midget