cj#332> (:>) Procession of balls-fighters & women

1995-12-06

Richard Moore

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To:  (Joke Group)•••@••.•••
>From: •••@••.••• (Marsha Woodbury)
Subject: Procession of balls-fighters

Richard Handal-- two posts:

Comment: THE REAL CARMEN

 For opera lovers and haters alike, we reprint herewith the "English"
synopsis of the opera Carmen, as it appeared in the program for a recent
performance in Genoa, Italy. Doubters should leave the auditorium: we have
seen it with our own eyes.
  "Act 1. Carmen is a cigarmakeress from a tobago factory who loves with Don
Jose (Duet: 'Talk me of my mother"). There is a noise inside the tobago
factory and the revolting cigar-makeresses burst into the stage. Carmen is
arrested and Don Jose is ordered to mounting guard her but Carmen subduces
him and lets her escape.
  "Act 2. The Tavern. Carmen, Frasquito, Mercedes, Zuiniga, Morales. Carmen's
aria ('The sistrums are tinkling'). Enter Escamillio, a balls-fighter. Enter
two smuglers (Duet: 'We have in mind a business') but Carmen refuses to
penetrate because Don Jose has liberated her from prison. He just now arrives
(Aria: 'Slop, here who comes'') but here are the bugles singing his retreat.
Don Jose will leave and draws his sword. Called by Carmen's shrieks the two
smuglers interfere with her but Don Jose is bound to dessert, he will follow
into them (final chorus: "Opening sky wandering life').
  "Act 3. A rocky landscape, the smuglers shelter. Carmen sees her death in
cards and Don Jose makes a date with Carmen for the next balls fight.
  "Act 4. A place in Seville. Procession of balls-fighters, the roaring of
the balls is heared in the arena. Escamillio enters (Aria and chorus:
'Toreador, toreador, All hail the balls of a Toreador'). Enter Don Jose
(Aria: 'I do not threaten, I besooch you') but Carmen repels him wants to
join with Escamillio now chaired by the crowd. Don Jose stabbs her (Aria: 'Oh
rupture, rupture, you may arrest me. I did kill her') he sings 'Oh my
beautiful Carmen, my subductive Carmen."

---

*Also* from Padua at LC.

There's these three guys and they're out having a relaxing day fishing.
Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return
for granting each of them a wish. Now one of the guys just doesn't believe
it, and says:

"Ok, if you can really grant wishes, than double my I.Q."

The mermaid says: "Done."

Suddenly, the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analysing it
with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid:

"Triple my I.Q."

The mermaid says: "Done."

The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems
that have been stumping all the scientists of varing fields: physics,
chemistry, ect.

The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends, that he
says to the mermaid:

"Quintiple my I.Q."

The mermaid looks at him and says: "You know, I normally don't try to
change people's minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you'd
reconsider." The guy says: "Nope, I want you to times my I.Q. by five, and
if you don't do it, I won't set you free." "Please," says the mermaid "You
don't know what you're asking...it'll change your entire view on the
universe...won't you ask for something else...a million dollars,
anything?" But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having
his I.Q. increased by five times it's usual power. So the mermaid sighed
and said: "Done."


And he became a woman.

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 Posted by Richard K. Moore (•••@••.•••) Wexford, Ireland
 •••@••.••• |  Cyberlib=http://www.internet-eireann.ie/cyberlib
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