cj#409> (:>) selection from Marsha’s Jokes


Richard Moore

Jan Whitaker:

Seen on a banner at the Melbourne Cricket Ground at the Australia-Sri
Lanka One Day match yesterday:

"They eat the curry and we get the runs!"  also,

Stress: that confusion created when one's mind overrides the
 body's basic  desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole
who desperately needs it.
Robert A. Bloodgood forward from Deni Elliott:

(The following jokes were published in various issues of Reader's Digest)

Classified advertisement spotted in the Stoughton, Wisconsin, Courier
Hub: "NordicTrack for sale. New, hardly used, now $250. Ask for
A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an
elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had
ever seen. He asked her about it. "This is the Klopman diamond," she
said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes
with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr. Klopman."

(Contributed to "RD" by Taylor Benson, quoted by Alex Thien in the
Milwaukee Sentinel)
At the end of a marathon shopping trip, I fumbled in my pocket for
my credit card to pay for a lovely blouse. "I'll have to resort to
this--I'm out of cash," I told the distinguished gentleman who was
waiting on me. Noticing his surprised smile, I glanced down and
realized that I had handed him the key card to my hotel room.

(Contributed to RD by Deborah Lynn Schnitzer)
A husband and wife are driving and they get pulled over by a
policeman.  The policeman gets to the car and asks for the man's

The man replies,"Why do you need my license?  What did I do wrong?"

The policeman answers,"You were travelling 45 mph in a 30 mph zone."

"Come on, officer," the man replies,"You know I was only going 35."

"No you weren't!" quips the wife,"I told you you were speeding!  I
told you not to go fast.  I knew you'd get a ticket!"

"Shut Up!" grunts the husband.

The policeman continues,"I'm also am charging you for going through a
red light."

"Officer," the man explains, "you know as well as I, that light was
yellow - not red."

The wife pipes in,"No, it was most definitely red - I told you it was
red - I told you."

At this point the husband is infuriated.  He yells at his wife, "SHUT

The policeman exclaims,"Hey! stop yelling at you wife!"  He then turns
to the wife and asks,"Does he always talk to you this way?"

She calmly replies,"No, only when he's been drinking."

 Posted by Richard K. Moore (•••@••.•••) Wexford, Ireland
 •••@••.•••  | Cyberlib=http://www.internet-eireann.ie/cyberlib
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