Richard Moore

Date: 22 Jan 1996
From: "Southgate, Mick" <•••@••.•••>

From:          "Seth Greenberg" <ELNICE/SETH>
Organization:  Nice Systems Ltd.
Date:          Mon, 8 Jan 1996
Subject:       Press Release

---------Forwared Message Follows-------------------

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President
Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn
region of Bosnia.  The deployment, the largest of its kind in American
history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters
A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more

"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr
and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world,"
Clinton said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say
'Enough.' It is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in
their incomprehensible words.  The US is proud to lead the crusade in
this noble endeavour."

The deployment, dubbed "Operation Vowel Storm" by the State Department,
is set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv
and Grzny slated to be the first recipients.  Two C-130 transport
planes, each carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from
Andrews Air Force Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over
the cities.

Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the
vowels.  "My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg
Grzdnjkln, 44, said.  "I have six children and none of them has a name
that is understandable to me or to anyone else.  Mr. Clinton, please
send my poor, wretched family just one 'E.' Please."

Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few key letters, I
could be George Humphries.  This is my dream."

... <portions euthanized

The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a
foreign country since 1984.  During the summer of that year, the US
shipped 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua,
Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's, S's and T's.
The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast quantities of
the letters were intercepted and hoarded by violent, gun-toting

Raphael Mankin                 Gender (n): the sex of words
                               Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's dictionary


 Posted by Richard K. Moore (•••@••.•••) Wexford, Ireland
 •••@••.•••  | Cyberlib=http://www.internet-eireann.ie/cyberlib
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