Richard Moore

Date: Wed, 31 Jan 1996
To:  (Joke Group)•••@••.•••
From: •••@••.••• (Marsha Woodbury)


NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, the famed friendly muppet of Sesame Street,
has apparently gone on a rampage. Several muppets are known to be dead;
including Prarie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, and Bert -- long time friend,
room- mate, and occasional lover of Ernie. The bird is now reportedly
holding Maria hostage in a five floor tenement near Hooper's Store. New
York City Police SWAT teams have surrounded the building.

NEW YORK (AP) -- Big Bird, Sesame Street muppet, is reported dead at this
hour after an hour-and-a-half hostage standoff with New York City Police.
Kermit-The-Frog, Sesame Street Muppet on the scene, reports that as police
stormed the five story tenament building where the bird was holding Maria
hostage, Big Bird flew out an upper story window at them in a
Kamikaze-like attack. Police SWAT units brought down the bird in a hail
of automatic weapons fire. Dead are: Prairie Dawn, Oscar the Grouch, Bert,
and Big Bird. There is no information available concerning Maria.

NEW YORK (AP) -- The Professor and his assistant, Beaker, muppet
chemists, have reportedly found angel dust in Big Bird's feed. ....

NEW YORK (AP) -- Violence erupted again on Sesame Street at five o'clock
this afternoon. As thousands of humans driving home took a sightseeing tour
of the scene of Big Bird's deadly rampage, muppets became enraged. Hundreds
of muppets, large and small, stalked the streets and surrounded humans in
their cars. In at least one case, ten muppets pulled a motorist from his
car and beat him with large, styrofome letters. Police again arrived on the
scene in force. At this hour, quiet is restored -- but tensions are very

NEW YORK (AP) -- Ernie, gay friend and roommate of the murdered muppet
Bert, broke his two day silence today with a eulogy address at a mass
muppet funeral. The following is the complete transcript of his

I also come here today to honor Big Bird. Bird was such a loving creature.
His large size and bright color alarmed many who first met him, but it was
his innocent and curious nature which taught us all to love him. Bird
wouldn't have wanted us to remember him, or to memorialize him, with
violence. All he ever wanted was for all creatures to "just get along" with
each other. Big Bird has come to a bad end, friends, but is wasn't his
fault. It was just some bad seed.


 Posted by Richard K. Moore (•••@••.•••) Wexford, Ireland
 •••@••.•••  | Cyberlib=http://www.internet-eireann.ie/cyberlib
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